A Cautionary Tale
England was a great and strong
leader. She always ran at the front of the pack. She had lots of friends
across the globe. She was a trendsetter in many industries and fields.
Her people were admired and lauded in the main. She was not without fault
of course. Some felt she could be difficult and prickly and arrogant, but
this was nearly always overlooked and forgiven and sometimes her awkwardness
was seen as a good thing in making EU a better-balanced team and stronger
overall.
However, for many years England
had a little Demon of Untruths sitting on her shoulder whispering into her ear
whenever things weren’t going so well. When her people were dissatisfied with
her performance the demon would whisper “It’s your suit of #EUFabric that the
EU makes you wear as part of her team that is holding you back. Make your
own suit of fabric forged from your glorious past. You need a suit made of
pieces of English History, Ration books, Iron, Steel, coal and unlocked back
doors all sewn together with threads of gold. Shoes made of gold
encrusted with diamonds, fish and chips and blue passports. The world
will see you for the great jewel you are and fall at your feet. You do not need
EU to be great you are great. You are better than all the rest.”
In the main England was
sensible and wise and was rather partial to a continental breakfast sometimes
and for many, many years ignored the silly Demon of Untruths but gradually its
poison seeped into the newspaper front pages, social media and onto the tv
screens and a kind of hysteria overtook some of England’s people who became
scared that the Demon of Untruths was right, and that the EU had secretly and deliberately
taken something away from them just to troll them.
England had a little drink with
her oldest friends Scotland, Wales & Northern Ireland. Wales said,
“well I know I always complain about London holding me back and EU has given me
lots of money to try and help my poorer people and my farming industry depends
on EU giving it subsidy but even so, I will go with you on this rather
marvellous suit idea.” Scotland and Northern Ireland looked at the other
2 as if they had gone insane. Scotland said “This is a bizarre
idea. The suit you are suggesting can only hold you back and it will hold
me back. EUFabric suits have made us strong members of a team and we look
after each other. EU has her faults but as part of her team she helps us
in ways too numerous to count and we can continue to improve the way she works
if we are on the inside.”
Northern Ireland said “Hang on,
as a team member wearing the EUFabric suit I have been able to run side by side
with my southern friend on this little piece of ground we share and forge new
friendships and relationships since the Good Friday Agreement. Wearing your
proposed suit will slow me down and jeopardise my relationship with them.”
Despite the wise counsel and
warnings from NI and Scotland, England and Wales were swayed by the seductive
Demon of Untruths who persuaded them that the people would be happier if England
built a brand new team suit to run in and so she set about making it.
It took 3 years and all England
and Wales and Scotland and Northern Ireland’s spare money and time but finally
6 suits were forged. A grand suit for England, 3 slightly less grand for
Wales Scotland and NI and 2 SecondClassSuits for the #the3Million and #BritsintheEU.
They glistened in the sunshine and England looked proudly at the chainmail like
suits made from the GloriousPast and the 4 original friends set off on the road
to GlobalPower that the demon had promised they could find. England jogged
along the path, Wales, NI, Scotland, #the3Million and #BritsintheEU by her side
but soon the others were starting to flag. The suits were heavy and hot
and encumbered their progress without the smart EU protections helping them
along the trickiest bits of path and steepest hills. England grew
impatient with them and barked at them to keep up.
Scotland grew weary of
England’s bossiness and was exhausted from the silly suit. She said
“Enough is enough, I am going to speak to my people. Perhaps they are
ready for a new chapter not following your stupid ideas, England and maybe we
can get back in good books with EU”. With that Scotland stalked off to
examine their options.
NI and Wales were also struggling.
The suits were far too heavy for their little economies and they frequently had
to stop for breath. They said, “England this is really the worst idea you
have ever had. You will have to go ahead, and we will try and catch you up”
#The3Million was keeping
up with England so far although she was looking a bit upset but they ran side
by side for a while chatting about old times. England suddenly noticed #The3Million
was not wearing the rather smart SecondClassSuit she had made so lovingly for
her (it was an Android version of course).
#The3Million said “England I
love you dearly. I love your culture and your music and your art and your
people. Some of my people have lived with you for less than a year and
some for many, many years. But you have ignored my advice and my opinions,
and you have told me I am no longer, as I once thought, your partner, your
friend, your neighbour, your equal, working together for your success. Your
success was my success for all these years, but it seems this feeling was not
reciprocated even though you led me to believe it was. You don’t want me
to have a say in how the England team is shaped so it is with great regret I
must carry on my life quest without you. The suit you have chosen is
heavy and slow and holds me back. I choose the lightweight and nimble
EUFabric suit to continue my race”
As England watched her old
friend race on she felt some sadness. For a moment she tried to recall what had
been so bad about Eastern European plasterers or Spanish Nurses. She
couldn’t quite remember why they annoyed her so, but the Demon of Untruths
whispered reassuringly into her ear and she continued on with a little shrug.
#BritsintheEU was still
there by her side in her SecondClassSuit but England was taken aback with the
frosty look she was getting. “But what on earth is the matter my old friend?”.
#BritsintheEU replied
“England I love you dearly, but you have made a huge mistake and you have
ignored my opinion in the matter. You did not even ask some of my
people. You have now turned my people into 2nd class citizens by making
them wear this SecondClassSuit and unlike #The3million, my people find it more difficult
to make a change so that I can carry on wearing the #EUFabric. You have
plunged me into a situation where I am neither one thing or the other when once
we were all proudly equal to EU”
#BritsintheEU started to
struggle more and more in her heavy SecondClassSuit and soon she was left
behind by England who now found herself totally alone.
England slowed down a little,
beads of sweat appeared on her brow. The suit was heavy and hot and not
quite so shiny anymore. Out of a side road EU appeared. She was
looking fresh and beautiful in her lightweight suit of EUFabric developed and
sewn together with 60 years of cooperation, friendship, consensus and
peace. She gave England a huge hug when she saw her. England was
rather taken aback with the demonstration of affection but was secretly quite
pleased despite the Demon of Untruths jumping up and down with rage at this
ostentatious display of European charm and affection.
England said to EU, “where are you going. Slow down.
Perhaps I could come with you? What are you working on? Is it something
exciting and new?” EU looked tearfully at England and replied “England, I
love you and your oldest partners dearly. For 40 years we have run along
this road together always in roughly the same direction and together we have
chosen our paths and become stronger and fitter and been able to ride the bumps
in the road with the help of each other. My people love your culture and
your language and your art and your people but as your friend I must tell you
the truth. You rejected my EUFabric Suit for one of your own. I must now
continue without you, working in the interest of those who continue to wear my
team colours. But you have chosen a heavy suit holding you back, anchoring
you to a past that never existed except in
the imagination of your Demon of Untruths. We will continue to find ways
to work together for sure but it will never be the
same again and it is down to my team to decide the direction now without your
wise input. This causes me great sadness, but you have
chosen to wear a suit that is too heavy to run in and you must travel at the
speed it dictates. If you do not want me
then I am not going to wait for you”
As EU sprinted off down a new
road that magically appeared, England wondered sadly what had been so bad about
sharing the top table with EU for all those years and those lovely little
Danish pastries they served with the coffee were divine.
The Demon of Untruths whispered,
“Don’t worry we always have the commonwealth”.
Right on cue, Commonwealth
appeared in all her glory. She was looking strong and magnificent
in her lightweight suit designed to look forward into a modern world. The
old friends ran side by side for a while. England said to Commonwealth
“We need to forge a closer working relationship together and run together more
often. I could design you a wonderful new suit that would complement mine.
We could get back to be the wonderful team we used to be”.
Commonwealth looked sadly at
England and said “My dear old friend, I love you I really do. My people love
your people and I will continue to work in many ways with you. But
recently you have not been very kind to my children and grandchildren.
You asked them to come and help you be stronger and successful. They did that
but then you withdrew your protection and support when they were no longer
useful to you. You have made yourself a very heavy and cumbersome suit to
wear which you thought would be magnificent, but it will hold you back and you
will have to live with the consequences. I cannot let you hold me
back when there are new opportunities and alliances for my people elsewhere to
explore. Our paths will cross, and we will run together for spells, but I
cannot fill the hole you have made rejecting EU’s suit”.
England looked at the back of
the sprinting Commonwealth with tears in her eyes and felt very alone.
Why was she being deserted by her old allies? For that matter why had she
left her oldest partners behind struggling in suits which were too heavy for
them?
The Demon of Untruths whispered,
“Don’t worry there are plenty more where they come from”.
Japan crossed England’s path
and said to her “We can work together still but business is business and some
of my industry is now running side by side with EU since you no longer wear her
suit. Her strength and speed and power help protect our people, I am
sorry I have had to change my relationship with you. We were once so
close.”
China appeared next.
“Hello England, I love you and your people but regretfully I too must make some
changes so that some of my industry can run directly side by side with EU for
our relationship to continue smoothly. I am sorry you have been slowed
down by your choice of clothing and we have much to do together still of course
but it won’t be the same as it once was”
Finally, along came
TrumpsAmerica. The Demon of Untruths jumped up and down with glee. “This
is the one we have been waiting for. Our dream of the Special
Relationship which will make us the envy of the world. Sod all the others,
we don’t need them. TrumpsAmerica did
not at first recognise England in her fine new clothes. “That’s a very
shiny suit. It would look good on my lift attendant in my golden lift.
Anyway, let’s talk.”
England said “Run with me
TrumpsAmerica. Together we will be great again and rule the world.
I have ditched EU. I was sick of the flimsy suits she made me wear. It’s
always been you in my heart anyway. Let’s you and I be together”
TrumpsAmerica looked England up
and down saying “I am sorry your suit can only hold me back and I don’t want or
need hangers on. It is far too heavy for the road to Global Power.
But I can do some good business deals with you. That NHS you have, sell
it to me and that will lighten your load - I would be interested. All
those sick people. I could broker an excellent deal with my drug
companies and health providers. They would run by your side quite
happily. Anything else you want to sell? What about the meat you
eat. My chicken is excellent”
England thanked TrumpsAmerica
for her suggestions of business deals and told her she would give it some
thought. As she ran along the road exhausted and weighed down by her Suit
of the Past doing a deal here and there - one with Lichtenstein, one with
Easter Island, a little deal with Albania, a couple of little deals on scones
to Australia, she couldn’t help but think about the old days when she ran at
the front of the pack and when people looked to her for leadership and she
wondered how she had lost so much good will and friendship in so short a
time. The Demon of Untruths laughed and laughed and laughed.
The end.
